


I Was Getting Used To Being Someone You Loved

by glittergigglesx



Category: Victorious (TV)
Genre: Bade - Freeform, Breaking Up & Making Up, Episode: S1E1 Pilot, F/M, Jade West Should Have Been Allowed To Swear, One-sided Bori, POV First Person, The Bori Kiss, cade friendship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-03-19
Updated: 2021-03-28
Packaged: 2021-03-28 14:13:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,546
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30140760
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/glittergigglesx/pseuds/glittergigglesx
Summary: “Don’t call me ‘babe’ or ‘baby’ or ‘Jay’ anymore. You can call me Jade. Or West. I’d prefer the latter.”“Jade. What do you mean...?” No. This wasn’t happening. She couldn’t be doing this. It was a stupid silly mistake. Just...a stupid mistake that meant nothing. This didn't feel like any of our 'half a day long at most' break ups in the past.“I mean; congratulations. You’re now free to give a good dicking to any girl that crosses your path.”______Set During S1E1 'Pilot'. After Beck kisses Tori in the Alphabet Improv Game, Jade doesn't just forgive and forget. Beck's going to have to work for it.
Relationships: Beck Oliver/Jade West, Jade West/Cat Valentine Friendship, Onesided Beck Oliver/Tori Vega
Comments: 33
Kudos: 70





	1. I'm going under and this time I fear there's no one to save me

**Author's Note:**

> So, this kind of fits into my 'Stage Fighting/Kiss With A Fist' based universe, as this break up is mentioned. So it's kind of like a prequel, yanno? You don't need to have read 'Kiss With A Fist Is Better Than None' to understand this, but if you survive this and fancy reading more of my works, go for it :) 
> 
> I always had an issue that Beck seemed to face no repercussions for kissing Tori, and most fanfictions I read about it have Jade forgive him after one conversation and some flowery words; and no hate on that! They're cute and fluffy and some of my fave stories. But I like to be different I guess!
> 
> Title and Chapter Titles are from 'Someone You Loved' by Lewis Capaldi.

"It didn’t mean anything! It was just a stage kiss!” I exclaimed as I followed my _angryfuriouscatacylsmic_ girlfriend along the near empty corridors of the school, towards the lockers.

“No Beck. A stage kiss is scripted. It’s written down. It’s not in a fucking alphabet improv game.”

“What was I meant to do!?!” Ok yes. I fucked up. I shouldn’t have done it. It was stupid. But it wasn’t like it meant anything. It was just....to teach a lesson. Jade couldn’t go around pouring iced coffee on people!

“How about you just stopped at ‘Little Weird’ and didn’t kiss another girl randomly in front of your girlfriend while everyone cheers? Or would that be too much to ask for?”

“I couldn’t just embarrass her like that Jade! She would have felt awful-“

“Oh. Oh my god. Seriously Beck?” Her voice sounds like it’s on the brink of either laughter or tears. Or both. I can’t tell, as she has her back to me. “So you don’t want to embarrass some girl you literally met yesterday.”

“Exactly-“

“But it’s perfectly fine to embarrass the girl you’ve been dating for almost 2 years and claim to love?”

“Claim?! Jade, I do love you-“ Shit. I hadn’t fucking thought. It’s sometimes so hard to remember that Jade has...well, emotions other than angry, horny and vindictive. And that sounds terrible because I _knowknowknow_ she has other emotions. She’s soft when we’re alone. She laughs and giggles and tells fantastic stories in a soft voice as we lay in bed drifting off to sleep. She does silly voices to make her friends laugh.

And she has a ridiculously low self-esteem for someone so gorgeous. Of course, she was embarrassed. And I didn't even fucking think. I know she has issues with jealousy, with girls constantly hitting on me. With people thinking I'm too good for her, that I should be with a pretty and sweet girl. And I pretty much did the worst thing I could do to her. I kissed another girl, who was exactly the type of girl everyone thought I should date. And publicly humiliated her.

“Oh sure. You love me. That was really obvious back there, you dick. I’m sure Vega could feel just how much you love me when she stuck her tongue in your mouth.”

“Jade, baby, please! It didn’t mean anything-“

“Yes it did! You did it for one of two reasons: one, you thought cheating on me directly in front of me is a perfectly acceptable thing to do, so long as you have the flimsy excuse of ‘it’s acting!’. Or two, you want to fuck Vega.” She snarled rolling her eyes as she pulled her locker open violently. "Guess what? Neither make your girlfriend feel all too good."

“I would never cheat on you-“ a scoff interrupted my words. In her mind, I already had. “And I don’t care about Tori Vega. I promise, baby.”

“Either way, whatever. Don’t worry about it.”

(I focused on her words instead of her tone of voice which is just _deadcoldemotionless._ I shouldn’t have.)

“Really? Babe I’m-“

“Don’t call me that.”

I stare at her in confusion.

“Don’t call me ‘babe’ or ‘baby’ or ‘Jay’ anymore. You can call me Jade. Or West. I’d prefer the latter.”

“Jade. What do you mean...?” No. This wasn’t happening. She couldn’t be doing this. It was a stupid silly mistake. Just...a stupid mistake that meant nothing. This didn't feel like any of our 'half a day long at most' break ups in the past.

“I mean; congratulations. You’re now free to give a good dicking to any girl that crosses your path.” She let out a brittle laugh that’s like ice and daggers and boots stomping over shattered mirrors and shoves her books in her bag, haphazardly and violently, ripping pages and bending spines. Her bright blue grey eyes (how can something the colour of a storm be so pretty) spot something across the hall. “Hey Vega!”

I look to the side and there’s the root of this problem, looking for all the world like she’s totally innocent in this when she’s really not. And for a second, I think Jade’ll fly at her like an angry cat and claw at her and then it’ll all be back to normal.

“I don’t know if making out with a single guy has the same appeal as making out with a guy in a relationship, but go nuts. Enjoy my used goods, you Herpes riddled skank.” She smirked, slamming her locker shut and I feel utterly cold inside as I process what she’s saying. I didn't even care that Tori looked like she was about to cry at such a nasty name.

“Jade please, you can’t be serious...”

“Oh I’m deadly serious Oliver. Hope she’s worth it. Make sure to wear a rubber.” With a glare that doesn’t even begin to hide the hurt and shame and betrayal. “And to think. I thought you weren’t like my dad. Turns out you’re just the same.” And with that final parting shot, she turns on her heel and breezes out the door.

School wasn't even over yet. But I had hurt her so badly, that she didn't even care about skipping (and regardless of her bad-girl attitude and clothing, Jade never skipped classes if she could help it - the only reason her dad let her come to HA was if she kept up a near flawless GPA in any academic classes). My feet felt glued to the tacky linoleum of the school hallway and I didn't even care that people were staring and whispering.

I had just lost the best thing I ever had.

* * *

I stood there for who knows how long, until I saw Andre, Cat, Robbie and Tori come towards me.

"You OK man? You've just been zoning out for the last 5 minutes." Andre raised his eyebrows, glancing at Jade's scissor covered locker. "Jade kinda pissed huh? She shouted some pretty hurtful stuff..." Here he glanced at Tori with a sympathetic pat on the shoulder.

"She broke up with me." I managed to mutter, still not taking my eyes off the doors that my girlfriend _(ex-girlfriend)_ had stormed out of.

"Are you kidding?" Robbie said through his stupid fucking puppet, Rex. "That girl's obsessed with you. She probably just wants the attention."

I shook my head and looked away from the doors finally, glancing down at Cat, one of the few people who would get the weight behind what I said next. "She said I was the same as her father."

As predicted, the tiny little redheads eyes widened in shock and she whipped her head around to look at the door. "Where did she go?!"

"She left. Just...she just left."

Cat inhaled and, in a speed I never knew she had, bolted out of the doors, not even bothering to give a reason to the others, leaving me to deal with them. Which I really didn't want to do right now.

"What's the big deal? So she said you were like her dad." One of Tori's eyebrows raised and, I know it wasn't really fair to get mad at her but inside I couldn't help it. If she hadn't said 'Kiss Me', none of this would have happened. She knew what she was doing, she wanted revenge. But I was the real idiot, who let her use me to do it.

"It's a big deal because Jade hates her dad." Robbie replied quietly, looking down at his feet. Sometimes I forget that Robbie has known Jade even longer than Cat - Jades mom used to be neighbours with the Shapiro's when Jade was growing up, so mandated play dates had been a thing since they were toddlers. Until Jade was 12, she'd called Robbie's parents 'Auntie and Uncle' even though she was never that close with Robbie. Robbie's parents were probably the closest thing to real parents she ever had. But it also cemented a wall between Robbie and Jade; his parents adored Jade and they seemed to only tolerate their actual son.

"Shit...so this isn't just your 30 minute break ups..." Andre asked, his face becoming dead serious. Tori seemed to be the only one who didn't seem to realise the magnitude of what happened.

"I need to go after her. Explain that it was just a stupid mistake and didn't mean anything..." I vaguely registered the somewhat distraught look on Tori's face when I said that, but honestly couldn't care less. I just had to find Jade and repeat over and over that it didn't mean a thing, that Tori didn't mean a thing to me. I needed to beg for her to forgive me, to take me back, to not throw almost two years away over a stupid mistake I should never had made. I would buy her coffee every day for a year. I'd buy her new scissors, hell, I'd find a shop and buy out their entire supply of scissors.

"What about classes?!"

"I don't care Tori. My girlfriend just left me. I need to try and find her." I snapped, and for the third time in under 15 minutes, another student left Hollywood Arts early, and the second one to run at full speed.

* * *

I hadn't found her. I drove around all day, from the second I left school until 8pm, not eating or stopping for anything. I went to her house, all the coffee shops she loved, the Slauson Super Mall, which she favoured over West Hollywood Gateway or any of the many Beverly Hills malls closer to her home. I went to the park near her house, then the one near mine in West Hollywood. I drove around every place I could think of and didn't see a single clue as to where she might have been - she hadn't even been into the coffee shops or any of her regular shops in Slauson - the baristas and sales assistants knew her by this point, and hadn't seen her.

I was finally calming down though. Yes, this was the worst break up we'd had in our entire relationship. But we could work it out. Two years and so many ‘firsts’ together, it couldn’t be gone just because of one stupid mistake right?

I pulled up to my house, in front of my RV, intent on calling and texting her until she replied or answered. But as I got out of my car, I noticed that my RV door was slightly ajar. I assumed it was my dad again, who sometimes liked to nap in the RV when my mom was being loud in the house, but when I entered, my stomach dropped out.

My first thought was that I’d been robbed. There was so much stuff missing, empty spaces on all of the flat surfaces. Then I realised. All of my stuff was still there. My TV and DVD player, my laptop, my guitar. All stuff that would have been taken if it was a robbery.

But there was nothing left of Jade. I practically tripped in my haste to rip open my wardrobe and let out a low moan at what greeted me.

Empty hangers, where all of Jades dresses and jackets had been. Ripping open the top two drawers only exposed the chipboard lining and the faint smell of vanilla and coffee, all her carefully folded shirts and jeans and jumpers gone, even all her panties, bras and socks, all the stuff she left for when she stayed over. The chunky rings and bracelets and necklaces were gone from the little jewellery tree thing I’d bought her after three beaded bracelets had been crushed under my boots. Her back up make up was gone from the small bathroom cabinet (that only had a razor and shaving foam for me, the rest had been filled with her hair products and cosmetics), the bright blue hair extensions she had washed the night before gone from the shower curtain pole where they had been hung to dry.

I couldn’t help but collapse back onto my bed, utterly numb and unable to process anything other than the repeating words in my head.

She’s gone. She’s gone. She’s gone.


	2. This All Or Nothing Really Got A Way Of Driving Me Crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beck has a phone call with Cat, which brings some issues to light and has a chance to speak to Jade.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK, so this one is shorter than most of my chapters I think. That's because its been split into two. The second half of THIS chapter will be Chapter 5. The next two chapters are Jade's and then Cat's POV. 
> 
> Some major Cade friendship coming up in the next two chapters, and it's hinted at here. Because Cat is adorable and didn't get nearly enough attention in Kiss With A Fist Is Better Than None (KWAFIBTN).

After I finally managed to remember how to breath and move and actually think, I grabbed my PearPhone and pulled up the one contact who may have some information about Jade, pressing 'Call' without even thinking. When the line clicked, signalling someone answered, I spoke without even waiting for a greeting. 

"Do you know where she is?"

I heard a loud sigh on the other end, and the creaking of floorboards then a door, as if the person on the other end was creeping out of a room. 

"She's here." Cat's normally bouncy and loud voice was whispering and sad sounding, which I utterly hated. Cat was never meant to sound sad. "I found her a few blocks from school."

"All her stuff...Cat...she..."

"I know. I drove her." Of course she did, but it still hit me. Cat knew. Cat had willingly driven her here to clear out all of her stuff. 

"Why would you do that?! Just...you could have told me, let me talk to her-"

"Why should I have Beck? Because you love her so very much?" Her tone became harsh. "I love you Beck, I really do. You're one of my favourite people. But you're a sucky boyfriend and I think...maybe Jade deserves better."

"Cat..please...it was a stupid mistake!”

“Yeah, the kiss was maybe. And that’s what Jades upset about. But that’s because she didn’t see how bad a boyfriend you were even before that!”

I froze. What was she talking about?! I was a good boyfriend - I listened to Jade rant, I brought her coffee, I hugged her and held her and took her out on dates and I _love her_.

“You always flirt with other girls! You apologise for her behaviour like she’s a child! You try to control her behaviour when you knew exactly what she was like before you started dating her; you’ve always known she wasn’t sweet and nice to everyone! Why date her if you want to change that?! You make her ask for you to say you love her! You think that makes you a good boyfriend?! That you make her work for you to say three words? When you know how unloved she feels with her dad?! When you know what happened in her childhood!?”

“Cat please....I don’t....I never meant any of that..” Because with the truths all laid out like that....she’s right. I don’t flirt intentionally but I like making her jealous, because it shows she’s protective of me. So I encourage the flirting, never stated that I had a girlfriend. But whenever I did make her jealous, I acted annoyed. I did try to talk her into being nice to people even when I knew she didn’t want too. And I did make her ask before I say I love her. But I always thought of it as a playful inside joke. I didn’t realise that’s what I was doing, that it was withholding the affection I knew she craved so much. 

“No Beck. I know you love her and she loves you. But you hurt her. You shouldn’t have kissed Tori! You didn’t even think about how much it would hurt Jade! What type of boyfriend does that?!”

“Please Cat....let me just talk with her.”

“No. She doesn’t want to speak with you. I’m not going to make her be nice or talk. I’m not you.” And with that, Cat hung up the phone. I let out a low curse and kicked out at the side of the RV, making a dent that I'd just buff out later.  


The worst part was, I couldn't even be that mad at Cat. Because while what she said hurt, it was also the blunt truth. I hadn't even realised what I'd been doing to her, how badly I'd been acting recently. Sure, Jade was no angel; she was aggressive and mean, she had the shortest fuse of anyone I'd ever met, flying off the handle at the drop of a hat. She drank more coffee than was remotely healthy, was a ridiculously picky eater and was remarkable selfish. But she was also so sweet when she let her guard down, and one of the most loyal people I'd ever met. She never so much as looked at another guy in the almost two years we'd been together and treated me like I made the sun rise and sun set each day (when I hadn't pissed her off).  


And now? There was a high possibility I'd ruined it. I sat back on my bed, laying back and something on the pillow caught my eye. Her necklace, the one that matched mine, with the simple gold ring; it lay on the pillow that was once hers, the matching set around my own neck. I reached out to grab it, the metal now cold, and clenched it tightly, bringing my fist to my mouth as tears welled up in my eyes.

It wasn't my proudest moment, but I fell asleep crying like a baby.  


_________________________

The only thing I could think of to do the next day at school was apologise. And beg. So, I waited at her locker for her to arrive (no doubt with Cat, as she most likely spent the night with her) with a large black coffee with two sugars in my hand, shifting from foot to foot. I'd already waved off Andre, Robbie and Tori when they looked like they wanted to chat; Andre and Robbie had just shrugged and wandered off. Tori however, had hovered until I snapped at her to go; I wasn't proud of that either, but I couldn't help but feel resentment towards her. This was my fault, yes. But it was Tori's as well. She knew I was dating Jade. She knew exactly what she was doing in that improv game.  


Finally, Jade strolled in dressed to kill with a pair of tiny black denim shorts, dark grey ankle boots with a two inch heel and a dark grey vest that hung off her loosely, modified to fit her own style - from the shoulders to just below her waist was cut away, exposing the lace of her bra and her pale smooth ribs, her eye makeup dark and lips a soft and natural pink, those electric blue hair extensions clipped in for a pop of colour. She looked as gorgeous as a slightly goth 16 year old could ever look and I kicked myself mentally for ever even thinking of hurting her.  


"What." She stated bluntly as she came to a stop at her locker, waving Cat on. The little redhead shot me a glare before flouncing over to the soda machine.  


"Jade, please. I know what I did was stupid and I've been kicking myself since the second it happened."

"Beck....I told you when we first started dating. The second you cheat on me, it's done. Over." She pulled her locker open and slammed her books in. "Now leave me alone and go shove your tongue in Vega's mouth again." The look in her eyes hit me like a physical force and actually made me step back. Anger, pain, betrayal...and worst of them all, hatred. "I'm done Beck. I put up with a lot of shit from you, and I know you put up with shit from me." She slammed her locked shut and whipped around to look at me straight on, her hair fanning behind her from the movement. "But that's where I draw the fucking line. Not just kissing another girl, but doing it in front of me. Humiliating me in front of our whole class. But maybe you didn't care about that." She took a step forward so her toes almost hit mine - not an unfamiliar closeness, but normally our arms would be around each other. Hers wouldn't be clenched into fists at her side. "Who cares about Jade huh? The Wicked Witch of West Hollywood. You sure as hell don't, or else you wouldn't have humiliated me just to make sure that Little Miss Skanks-A-Lot didn't get a little embarassed." 

Now that was unfair. She _knew_ I cared about her. I didn't mean to humiliate her and she knows that...right?

"Jade, baby, please-"

"I told you not to call me that anymore!" She almost shrieked, getting attention from almost the whole hallway - including Cat, Robbie, Andre and Tori. And great. Sinjin was recording it. "You lost all right to call me any pet names the second you decided to suck face with Tiny Tit Tori over there." She waved a hand towards Tori, who seemed to gasp in self-righteous indignation. "Now get outta my way." She shoved past me, heading towards the drinks machine where Cat waited, only sparing a sneering 'You're literally worth less than the dirt on my shoe' look at Tori, a look I knew she'd perfected over the years and had the ability to make anyone feel around 2 inches tall.  


I could only watch as she left with Cat. She was right - she had warned me, right when we started dating and she told me all about her dad and his lies and his cheating and her moms asshole boyfriend, that if I ever did that to her, she'd leave me and never look back. And I told her she was being silly, because why would I ever cheat on someone like her?  


I still don't really see if as cheating, to be honest. It was an acting exercise and yes, OK. I shouldn't have done it. But it wasn't really cheating, was it? I had no interest in Tori Vega beyond friendship. But to Jade, that didn't matter. She considered it cheating still. And I should have known she would; she wasn't crazy happy whenever I had to kiss another girl in a show, but she understood it. Just like I wasn't a fan of her kissing other guys (Once she had to kiss Andre and I almost leapt onto stage and punched him but managed to control myself). But in an alphabet improv game? Improv, the one class where you didn't have a script and I could have done anything else? Of course, she saw it as cheating.  


With a sigh, throwing the slowly cooling coffee in the trash, I headed towards my first class - the dreaded Improv that caused this issue - and hoped I could speak with Jade again before she hurried off to Maths, and I had to go to Geography. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry about the length, but I'll be putting up the Jade POV chapter tomorrow or the next day, so hopefully that makes up for the length! <3


	3. I Need Somebody To Heal, Somebody To Know, Somebody To Have, Somebody To Hold

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade West doesn't take shit from anybody. Not even Beck.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some Cade friendship in this one - because Cade is adorable. Heavier Cade friendship in the next chapter (in Cat's POV).

I still can't really believe he did it. Not only did he decided to _cheat_ on me, but to do it right in front of me? In front of our whole fucking class? Did he even _respect me_? And then expected me to not fucking _care_? To just forgive him because he said he was sorry? He _knew_ I hated cheaters. He knew I had issues with cheating, that my issues were the reason for my jealousy. My dad cheated on my mum constantly and she just cried about it but always forgave him - or acted like she didn't know, desperately still clinging to the love they'd had before I had been born. When I was 6, he decided he couldn't deal with the façade anymore and left with one of the skanks he was cheating with. And I saw how that destroyed my mum, although even back then I thought she had been a stupid woman for constantly forgiving and ignoring his cheating ways. And then she decided to shack up with another cheating bastard, this one the worst kind of human being imaginable. 

But he'd never taken my worries about him cheating seriously. He'd always just said he'd never do it, that why would he cheat when he had the girl he 'loved' already. Well, see how that ended up, Beckyboy. You fucking scumbag cheating prick. He _knew_ what people all thought and talked about when they thought we couldn't hear them; that he deserved better than me. That I was lucky to have him. That he should be dating some sweet, preppy, pretty Princess type, rather than the angry, sarcastic and snide alt chick. 

Well guess what Beck? You just proved them all right, didn't you? Because you decided to kiss Tori **fucking** Vega, the epitome of sweet, preppy, pretty Princess types. I bet fucking bluebirds braid her hair each morning or some shit. 

And he had the fucking balls to act like I was being overdramatic. That it was 'Just a stage kiss'. Well, he can go to fucking hell. I'm done. Over it. He wants to throw away two years for the sake of some new flat chested wonderslut, then he can. 

I glanced across at Cat as her phone rang and, from the look on her face, I could tell who it was, but she crept out the room anyway (probably to reem him out like the boss ass bitch she was under all the fluffy candyfloss trappings. I'd never say it, but God do I love that girl). I'd turned my phone off the second I left school, but I guessed if I turned it on, I'd have hundreds of missed calls and voicemails and texts from him. But I didn't care (fuck I did care. I cared so fucking much that it hurt my stomach) - if he didn't mean it, he wouldn't have done it. Simple as that.

I just wish he'd have had the curtesy to break up with me first. Then maybe it wouldn't hurt this much. Maybe I wouldn't have been crying on and off since it happened, if he'd just came up to me this morning and said he wanted to break up so he could suck face with the new girl. Packing up all of my stuff from his RV was the worst. Cat hadn't even tried to talk me out of it, which somewhat surprised me. She'd held my hand from the second she'd found me at the bus stop a few blocks away from school, and on the bus to my house. She'd wordlessly taken my car keys from me and driven us to Beck's place (because we both knew I was in no fit state to drive), parking a few houses away so his parents didn't see - I couldn't deal with facing them and their sympathy; I didn't want to upset them either, I knew how much they wanted me and Beck to be the high school couple to beat the odds. Let Beck break their hearts like he broke mine. She'd held open the trash bag I'd grabbed to put all my stuff in as it slowly filled with clothes, make up, books, my charger, jewellery, the soda brand I favoured but Beck hated, so it was only stocked in the RV for me. And then she didn't even say a word as we drove back to her house, because she knew I didn't really like being home with my dad and Julia (Step-Mom 5) when I was in a good mood, never mind when I was like this. 

And now we sat in her room, watching horror movies I knew she hated, but she knew I loved, eating popcorn and sushi we'd ordered, curled up under blankets like we did when we were having sleep overs when we were back in junior high. We hadn't done this in forever, it felt like. After all, I'd been spending so much time with that fucking prick for the last two years, going on dates and random midnight drives and staying at his stupid tin can RV, that sleepovers with Cat had significantly lessened, although she had never held it against me. 

And great. I was crying again; I'd only just managed to stop myself from sobbing 10 minutes ago, and it was back with a vengeance. No makeup was even left on my face from what I'd applied this morning and Cat had simply handed me a make up wipe the second the first sobs hit - I'd managed to keep them at bay until we finally arrived at Cat's place and made it to her room, and then the floodgates opened and I spent 20 minutes straight sobbing into her lap as she stroked my hair; people always assume in our friendship I'm the parental one, and Cat is the childish one and normally, that's true. But sometimes, Cat shows off her maternal side and it just makes her fucking _glow_. She's going to be an amazing mom one day in the future. 

I manage to stop myself crying just before she returns from her phonecall with the fucking asshat, and she gives me a small smile. "I told him to get lost and that I wouldn't make you talk to him." 

"I miss him already Cat. What if I made a mistake..." I didn't think I did, not really. Sure, it wasn't like he was having some ongoing affair...I suppose it could be both a stage kiss and not a stage kiss at the same time...

"No!" I was startled from my thoughts by the ferocity of teeny tiny Cat Valentine as she crawled onto the bed to sit next to me and gripped my hands in her - I had small hands, pale and thin fingered. But Cat's hands were almost doll like - most of Cat was, with her little birdbones and bright smiles. "You did the right thing Jade. He should never have done that, even if he just wasn't thinking! He's a big fat jerk-head." I gave her a small smile. Not quite the words I would use, but Cat hated swearing and even when angry refused to utter such words. "He's the one who doesn't deserve _you_ , no matter what people at school think."

I gave her a weak smile. Beck Oliver was kind of perfect to everyone else at Hollywood Arts; he was handsome and talented and kind and generous and smart. But that's because they didn't see him ramble on about stuff when he felt too much, which was why he always tried to be chilled out in public. They didn't see him get angry, his nostrils flaring and brow furrowing when I pushed one button too many, they didn't see the dark bruises he left on my shoulders when I really pushed him too far - I loved those bruises though, even if he felt miserable afterwards because he didn't want to ever hurt me (Hah-fucking-Haaah). Because they were tangible evidence that proved he wasn't as perfectly put together as everyone thought, that I could rile him up and make him lose his robo-cool attitude. I felt the same about the bruises he left on my wrists when grabbing my hands and I felt like I could feel my bones grinding together under his grasp. They hurt but in a good way. 

But even with all that, he was still better than me. He deserved better than me, I'd always known it and I guess he realised it too. Him and Vega can run off into the fucking sunset together, holding hands and being the fucking Aladdin and Jasmine; Hollywood Arts Edition. It fit better than Prince Charming and The Wicked Witch of West Hollywood. I hope he grips her wrist too tightly and fucking breaks it one day. 

"One night Cat. I'm giving myself one night to cry and feel miserable." I whispered to her and she nodded with a small smile, squeezing my hands in hers. 

"One night then. And tomorrow, no one will know." She whispered back. And I honestly cannot explain the love I have for this tiny slip of a girl. Beck always tried to get me to show more emotions, to let people know how I'm feeling instead of just shouting at them. Cat never did that. She understood that I couldn't let my guard down around everyone. That her and Beck (well, formerly) were the only ones who saw past my walls of steel and rivers of scalding hot black coffee and the bullet proof glass that all protected my heart. That if I did, I'd be eaten alive by the vultures and crows that swirled around me at all times - both metaphorical ones in my head and the literal ones, the girls at Hollywood Arts and Northridge and Burbank, all of the ones who just waited for weakness from me to pounce on.

* * *

He had the fucking nerve to be waiting in front of my locker, with a fucking coffee, when I arrived with Cat. I should have known he'd do this. He always thought that our little breakups were silly, and sure, most of them were. It'd often be fixed just by him standing at my locker like he was now, with a little grin on his face like he knew I had calmed down from the fight. But not this one. 

I waved Cat on, and was pretty proud of the venom in her glare at him as she passed. I could tell it wigged him out a bit - he'd never been on the receiving end of one of Cat's extremely rare glares, after all. 

"What." It wasn't a question, because questions invited conversations and I _really_ did **not** want to speak to him. I had to make sure to grab onto my anger and hold tightly, lest I end up sobbing again. I wasn't letting myself get upset. Crying and sobbing and clutching my chest because I couldn't fucking _breath_ was what last night with Cat was for. Today, it's anger and venom and spiteful jagged little words. 

"Jade, please. I know what I did was stupid and I've been kicking myself since the second it happened."

Well, this was kind of new. He'd never been the one begging before; normally it was me making a brief apology, him accepting it with a smile and we were back together. Well, not this time fuckboy. 

"Beck....I told you when we first started dating. The second you cheat on me, it's done. Over." I slammed my books in my locker then curled my lip at him. "Now leave me alone and go shove your tongue in Vega's mouth again." I channelled every bit of anger and hate I felt inside my heart into the glare I gave him and it worked; I could see the hesitation and realisation and guilt in his eyes and it felt fucking amazing. The hate wasn't even directed at him, it was for my cheating asshole of a father who could never stay loyal to my mother but now expected me to think he was a great guy. Beck was just like him except in reverse; he had me thinking he was such a great guy, before he showed he was actually a cheating asshole. 

"I'm done Beck. I put up with a lot of shit from you, and I know you put up with shit from me." I slammed my locker shut then whipped around to look at him, my teeth clenched. He just didn't fucking _get it_. "But that's where I draw the fucking line. Not just kissing another girl, but doing it in front of me. Humiliating me in front of our whole class. But maybe you didn't care about that. Who cares about Jade huh? The Wicked Witch of West Hollywood. You sure as hell don't, or else you wouldn't have humiliated me just to make sure that Little Miss Skanks-A-Lot didn't get a little embarrassed." He's fucking excuse for yesterday still hurt - almost as much as the kiss had. He didn't want Vega to be embarrassed. But he obviously didn't care about me. Maybe he never had, or maybe this was a new development. I didn't know and I didn't care. 

"Jade, baby, please-"

And that word coming out of his mouth, that little cliche, overused by every couple out there pet name set me on edge and the coldly controlled anger flared up, just for a moment. "I told you not to call me that!" It came out as a shriek and seemed to grab everyone's attention. Robbie was nearby, fiddling with his glasses as he was prone to do when nervous, probably waiting to get to his locker but wisely deciding against interrupting us. Andre stood next to Tori, both watching with wide eyes, Andre biting his lip (he hated it when his friends fought and I almost felt bad for him, but then I remembered he was all eager to be besties with Vega and that went away quick) and the doe-eyed little cretin herself was next to him, watching with wide eyes. For fucks sake, Sinjin was even recording it. Great. Well, might as well make the most of it. "You lost all right to call me any pet names the second you decided to suck face with Tiny Tit Tori over there." I could help but smirk as the girl in question gasped in self-righteous indignation but it's not my fault her tits were so non-existent that she had the figure of a pre-teen boy. "Now get out of my way."

It felt good to shove past him and storm across the hallways, the other students parting like the red sea around me. I stopped briefly to give Tori a glare that showed just how little I thought of her then continued to the vending machines, where Cat was waiting. She didn't say anything about what had just happened, just smiled brightly and hung onto my arm, going off on a tangent about her brother. 


	4. I Guess I Kind Of Liked The Way You Numbed All The Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cat Valentine takes no shit when it comes to protecting her best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The awaited Cat Valentine chapter! Not a lot of dialogue. Some heavy Cade friendship here (if you squint and hold your breath and do a headstand all at the same time I suppose it could be seen as Cat being in love with Jade but clueless about it). Because she didn't get enough love from me in KWAFIBTN and my Snooping oneshots, or the my next one shot (which is almost finished). 
> 
> Cat also says (well...thinks?) a line that I don't own. Near the very start, she thinks 'Jade just has so much love in her heart that the thought of letting it out, letting her guard down and showing her cards...it scares her to death.' This is actually from Season 3 of Skins (UK), and is Anthea Stonem talking about her daughter, the main character of that season, Effy Stonem. Because seriously, Effy Stonem is the British Jade West (or that's how I see it) and the quote was just too perfect for Jade.

Jade West is my bestest friend ever. I love her so much sometimes I think it may explode out of me in rainbows and cotton candy. Everyone thinks she's this mean, cruel, harsh girl who hates everyone and everything, but that's not the truth at all. She's the opposite. 

Jade just has so much love in her heart that the thought of letting it out, letting her guard down and showing her cards...it scares her to death. And Beck knows that - or well, he should know it! 

I'm so flipping mad at him! He's such a...a...a butt head! The King of All Buttheads! That's what he should change his name too! Or Jerkface McJerkfaceson. What was he thinking, doing that to Jade? Kissing another girl in front of her! He obviously wasn't thinking about anything but how to be the biggest Jerkfacey Butthead in the whole wide universe in the history of...of...of jerks! 

I wouldn't say I hate Beck. I love Beck, I do. He's an amazing friend but...sometimes I think (and even before this all happened) that he's really not that good of a boyfriend. And no one else sees it except me - not even Jade! Maybe it's because I'm the only one who's Jade's friend first, Beck's friend second - everyone else is reversed. He's not mean but...it's like he doesn't take her seriously when she's mad or upset. He flirts a bunch with girls when he knows it upsets Jade; he knows the girls see it as him being open to something more when he's not. I didn't think he would ever cheat on Jade, until he kissed Tori when she asked, right in front of her! He knew Tori was doing it to hurt Jade, for revenge against her and just let her use him against her! Why would he want to hurt her that much? 

I'm proud that Jade dumped him. And everyone _knows_ it was her who ended it, not him. I'm so proud of her. I love Jade and I love Beck and I love Jade&Beck mostly, when they're happy together. And I know she'll probably take him back. Because Jade loves Beck the most and, despite how he acts, I know Beck loves Jade the most. And I do too, love Jade the most I mean, but it's a different kind of love so it's OK. I prefer my love for Jade; it's a lot nicer and sweeter and there's less drama because it's not all... _messy_ with big emotions and explosions. It's sitting eating sushi and watching horror movies for her and Disney movies for me, burrowed under blankets with my brother peeking out from the doorway because he loves Jades lots too, but more in the Sinjin way. But Jade's nicer to him than she is to Sinjin. When my brother is sniffing her, she just asks him to stop or takes a step away. She always screams at Sinjin when he does it or shoves him away. I think it's because Jade knows my brother is special. He doesn't like many people but he _really_ likes Jade. 

But she's not going to go running back to Beck this time, I'm sure of it. She may love him, but he really, really, really _super_ hurt her this time. She already ignored him yesterday after he tried to apologise. And today too, she just walked straight past him when he tried to speak with her. I think he maybe realises how badly he messed up this time, because the look on his face when she ignored him was really um...what's the word....dis...distaught? Oh! Right! Distraught. Is that the right word for really super sad? 

I'm not just mad at Beck though, y'know? I'm mad at Tori too. I thought she was a nice girl, and sweet. But she knew Beck was Jade's boyfriend and still asked him to kiss her! So when Tori came up to me today to try and talk to me and then when I didn't speak to her (I can be rude too, just like Jade! I just don't like to be.) she asked what was wrong. 

"You're a meanie." I said it just like that. Jade would be proud...well, she would be prouder if I used a bad word instead of 'Meanie' but she'd still be a little proud!

"What?! Cat, I'm not mean-"

"You are. You're a meanie just like Beck is a jerkface. You hurt Jade." My lip jutted out, because I know I was pouting. "I don't like people who hurt Jade."

"Cat I didn't...I mean, it was just a joke, y'know, as revenge for the coffee-"

"There's a difference between the two Tori." I stamped my foot. "You only got your hair wet. Jade got her heart broken. Girls who kiss other girls boyfriends are bad." I told her bluntly and because I knew I was getting upset, and Jade always said to not let people know you were going to cry because they could be mean about it. So I turned away from her a stomped off. 

Robbie sat with us at lunch today which was nice of him. He could have sat with Beck and Andre and Tori - he did yesterday - but today he asked if he could sit with me and Jade. Jade only shrugged though, which was practically a fancy written invitation which I think he knew because he sat down with a little smile. I like that Robbie sometimes 'gets' Jade. Because that means him and her get along and Jade's my favourite person and Robbie is my second favourite person so it always makes me happy! Rex is a meanie though - I think Robbie knows Rex wouldn't be very welcome at lunch because he put him in his locker today. 

Beck tried to talk to me too, but I didn't let him. Because I like him lots, and deep down I do want Jade to be with him again, but I want _him_ to work to get Jade back. And I might accidentally agree to try to talk Jade into getting back with him; but I think this is something he needs to do himself, yanno? 


	5. Now The Day Bleeds Into Night Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a week since Jade dumped Beck and he finds nothing makes sense anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know, I know, time skip, gaaah! I just got a little stuck and can feel my muses running out for this story so I had to push through it! I may do a few scenes from the missing week at some point, but for now you get this :P It's technically the second half of chapter two, and was written before the Jade and Cat chapters. 
> 
> Should I write a chapter in Andre's POV? Explaining his actions and why he stuck with Tori over Jade? Let me know in the comments! :)

It had been a week. A week and Jade refused to talk to me unless she 100% had too. She spoke to me if needed in class. The day after I spoke with her in the halls, she brought in a bag filled with shirts that had originally been mine, my spare phone charger, my PSP and a leather jacket I had once left at hers and never thought to get back. She had a lot more stuff of hers at mine than I did at hers, because she hated spending time at her house. She allowed idiots to chat her up at her locker if they were brave enough; not many were but one of the frequent idiots I had to see hit on her was Ryder Daniels, an asshole in the grade above us; he and Jade had known each other since they were tweens, him living next door to her father and he'd always had a crush on her. It boiled my blood that she actually allowed him to pick her up and drop her off at school now, which was once my job. 

Her and Cat sat away from us at lunch and breaks, blatantly ignoring my existence. Robbie joined them occasionally, due to his obvious crush on Cat and a torn sense of loyalty between me and Jade. Andre stuck with me the whole time. It was like kids in a divorce. I got custody of Andre, Jade got custody of Cat and Robbie shuttled between the two of us.  


The issue (other than the fact I can't eat, sleep or think without missing Jade every second of the day. At this point, I think I can easily say I'm 'mooning' over her. I've actually written a monologue about her for Gods sake. It's a little choppy and disjointed, but I think that matches my own feelings at the moment; disconnected, irrational, _broken_ ) is that, with Andre comes Tori. Tori with her bambi eyes and fluttering lashes. And every time she sits down at our table, I swear I see Jade flinch minutely, so small that unless you really knew her, it wouldn't be seen. How was I meant to get Jade back if Tori was always around me?  


"Beck? What do you think?" Tori asked, reaching out to touch my hand, which I pulled away like she had burned me. Oh right. She'd been talking.  


"Sorry...think about what?" I asked, looking back down at my quesadilla that I was picking at half-heartedly. The edges were extra toasted and brown. Jade always used to pick off those bits for herself, because she loved them and knew I wasn't a fan.  


"The short play we need to write out together! For script writing?"  


Shit, right. Script Writing. We'd be partnered up, while Jade was partnered with Andre. I had spoken with the teacher after class to see about swapping partners but was straight up denied. I wasn't too surprised. Jade had always been Mr Jacobs favourite student. And if Jade had specifically asked not to be partnered with me, he wouldn't change it for my sake.  


"We can do it tonight I guess." I told her bluntly with a shrug, going back to my staring routine - my quesadilla to Jade to my soda back to Jade and then back to my quesadilla. Rinse and repeat all of lunch. However, at some point between looking at my soda and back to her, Jade stood up, seemingly annoyed with something (Ah! Sinjin was at the table now. That'll be why.) and turned to storm off, grabbing her bag as she left.  


Perfect. This was the first time in a week she'd gone somewhere alone, without Cat. I hopped to my feet and ignored Tori and Andre's protests, following at a quick pace, eager to catch up with her. "Jade! C'mon, can we please talk?" I called after her in the fairly empty hallway. She sighed and I saw her grip tighten on the strap of her bag.  


"Fine. Janitor's closet. Now." She snapped, heading straight towards the large closet that had been the backdrop for a fair few of our arguments; but even more of our make ups and make outs. She shoved the door open and practically threw herself into the farthest corner of the closet, as if to stay as far away from me as possible. "What?"  


"Jade I....I'm sorry OK? I know I shouldn't have done it...I didn't do it to cheat on you or because I like Tori; I just...I wanted to show you that you went too far with the coffee thing the day before but I know I went way further than that. I never should have done it and I never wanted to hurt you; I hate myself for it. I can't eat or sleep or concentrate on anything because I miss you so fucking much and I know I fucked up but I promise I'll never do anything like it again if you just take me back-"

My run on 'Word-Vomit' as Jade used to call it (because I only 'word-vomited' around her; I never had to put up any fronts around her. I didn't have to be the cool guy or the chilled-out guy. I could just be myself with her and I took that for granted) was cut off by Jade grabbing a handful of my shirt and pulling me towards her, planting her lips on mine and for the first time in a week, I felt at ease and like I could actually breath freely again. 

"Fine." She told me breathlessly, her tongue flicking out to sweep across her lower lip, as if she was savouring the taste of my lips on hers again, and maybe she missed me as much as I missed her. "I shouldn't because...I fucking warned you. But I miss you too. I don't like not speaking to you just before I fall asleep and then again when I wake up, and I miss you touching me all the time and your little stupid smiles across the room when we're in class." She bit down on her lower lip as one of her thin fingers with chipped black nail polish played with the ring necklace I hadn't taken off once since she dumped me, feeling like it gave me still just a tiny connection to her. "But there's going to be rules."

"Anything." At this point, I'm pretty sure if she told me one of the rules was to go emotionally scar the little kids at the elementary next door, I'd do it in a heartbeat. 

"Firstly; _Never. Do. That. Again._ If you want to kiss another girl, you better fucking dump me first. I refuse to be some simpering twit who you walk over." 

"Never again. Ever." I promise. That rule was a given to be honest. I'd never dream of making the same mistake again. 

"Secondly; you stop letting anything with tits and a pulse flirt with you without making it clear you have a girlfriend. I know you can't control the girls who flirt, but you can make it clear you're uninterested. None of that stupid hair ruffling and smiling you do now. And if I get jealous? You're not allowed to act all pissy and treat me like a kid who needs a time out." 

Also, kind of a given; that one may take work. I've got a naturally flirtatious personality, apparently even if I don't really notice girls flirting. But I'd walk around with a 'JADE WESTS BOYFRIEND' neon light up placard if she wanted. 

"Thirdly; you _never hang out with Vega_. I know that she's friends with Andre and the others. And that's fine. You can hang out with her when we're all together. But you're not to hang out with her alone. And if I'm not there, Cat or Robbie have to be."

"What about Andre?" She shot me an impatient look, but to be fair, it was the first time I'd questioned any of the rules she was giving me. "I can't hang out with her even if he's there?"

" _No._ Because I don't trust Andre to tell me if that flat-chested troll tries anything." She gave me a piercing look. " _Or_ if you try anything."

"I wouldn't try anything-" I cut myself off this time, although it was due to her glare.

"Cat will tell me straight away. Robbie would blurt it out or tell Cat, who would tell me. Andre's your 'best bro' and for some reason likes that Troll doll, so he wouldn't tell me."

"OK. They're reasonable." I mean, the first two were. I wasn't sure if the last one was reasonable but it made sense; of course she wouldn't want me to be around the girl she saw me kiss, especially not alone or with someone who she doesn't trust to be truthful with her. It kind of sucked that she distrusted Andre because of Tori now, since they used to get on pretty well. "But what about school work? I have a script writing project with her, you know that. I'm meant to be meeting with her tonight."

"You can hang with her for studying or school work. But only during study periods in the library or at your RV. With me there. You don't go to her house, no late-night study sessions in the library when no one else is around, and she sure as shit doesn't come to your RV without me there. _Ever_." 

"So...you'll be coming over tonight too? Do...you want to stay?" I asked, hopeful. I didn't even just want her to stay so we could have sex. I just wanted to be with her, like an addict with a fix after a week without. 

She paused in thought before nodding slowly. "Fine. I'll stay tonight...I haven't been having the best sleep this past week." She admitted, pushing her hair out of her face. 

"I don't think I've had more than 30 minutes sleep a night." I admitted back, giving her a lopsided smile. "And all 30 minutes are restless." 

"There's another rule." She told me, chewing her lip and I could tell this one was one she was set on. "I want you to beg for me back. In Sikowitz class. On stage." 

"Jade..." That made me uncomfortable. I don't really like showing my more romantic side publicly - sure I'm affectionate and touchy-feely in public, but actually expressing my feelings for all of the class... "I...I mean...is that necessary?" 

Her lips twisted downwards and her eyes hardened. "Yes. You _humiliated me_ in front of all of that class and then it got spread around the entire school. I had to face people laughing at me, girls telling me you'd finally realised I wasn't good enough for you. I was mocked and ridiculed because of what you did. So yeah. You humiliated me; you can lower yourself to embarrass yourself a little bit." 

I never knew that. No wonder she wanted me to beg for her back publicly. I had no clue our classmates would be so cruel to her, but I should have known. Everyone always made comments about our relationship, about how she was lucky to have me; but no one ever said I was the lucky one. They all looked at me like I was a saint for putting up with her and I know there was rumours that I was only with her because she was crazy, and being crazy apparently meant freaky sex (which I mean...was kind of true, but it wasn't even close to the reason I was with her). It made me clench my fists in anger and I knew the second I heard anyone mention her negatively to me again, I'd lose it. It was worse because I had caused it this time. 

"Look, if you can't do it, I evidentially don't mean as much to you as you claim-"

"No!" I burst out, grabbing her shoulders as she tried to push past me. "I'll do it. I swear. Tomorrow, in class. I'll get on the stage and beg for you back. I'll make sure they all know that you're the one who's too good for me." I promised emphatically and breathed a sigh of relief as she nodded. 

"OK. We're not going to be official until after you've begged for me back tomorrow." She told me, and I don't know why and I don't care. She was still coming over tonight. We were going to be together tomorrow. "Pick me up tonight at 5pm. Then we go to your RV and have dinner. Then Tiny Tits can come over; but..." A playfully devious smile touched her lips. "Don't tell her I'll be there. I want it to be a surprise." She smirked up at me and then, slipped passed me with ease. I reached for her, to pull her into a kiss, but she smirked again. "Nope. Not until tomorrow." She told me, pushing her way out of the janitor's closet, me following like a lost puppy. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like Beck still gets off a little easy. But Jade also seems the type to bring these 'rules' into effect. Because she does love him a whole lot, but she doesn't trust him as much anymore, and he's gotta earn that trust back. 
> 
> Also remember what I said in my AN at the beginning! If you want an Andre chapter to explain his reasons for seemingly not caring about Jade's feelings, let me know!

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not sure about this one to be honest. I have the meat of the story written out, but I'm still editing and adding things, so suggestions are welcome and highly encouraged! <3


End file.
